For a moment I let his arm slip from under my hand, and he hit me in my face. I almost lost my balace, Franks face came up from under the water, but in a reflex, I took the showerhead and hit him in his face. Frank fell back, and immediately I put my hands on his face, to push him under. He struggled still, but the power was gone. He raised his leg one more time, trying to kick me off, but he couldn't do that. His eyes became lifeless, I saw it happen and it struck me with a sledgehammer. O... my...God. How could I do that to him? I made him drown.

I felt his soft skin under my skin, warm from the water. It made me feel sick, real sick. In a panic I got out of the tub, my foot got caught up in the shower hose and I fell on my face. The pain felt good, but my stomach couldn't accept the steak anymore and I hurried to the toilet. I threw up untill I was empty. Now I was the lowest form of life on earth. I was a killer, one with vomit and blood on her face. A monster.

But was that new to me? I asked myself. No, I had done this already...six times? But only now, Frank had gotten a chance to fight back, and I still hadn't made the decision to stop it right there. When he hit my face and got up, I could've decided to let him. But I didn't, I couldn't get away from the urge that was inside me. Maybe it was time to kill myself. I wasn't worthy of living, if I caused another person so much pain and misery.

And if I didn't kill myself, how was I explain to Frank what happened this time? My head was bruised, I had a bloody nose from falling out of the bath and Frank was lying there with no heartbeat. My life was a mess. I couldn't think anymore and set next to the toilet for a long time.

But then it occured to me that maybe Frank couldn't ever wake up if he was lying in that tub. I crawled to him and pulled out the plug. When the water was running away, I suddenly got an idea.

With a little more energy in me, I tried to drag him out of the bath, and although it was really heavy, I made it. With even more pulling and pushing, I got him into the bed, and there, exhausted, I lay down next to him. How I'd hit my head, I had a whole night to think about that. But to Frank, it would just seem that he had gotten out of the bath, and went to bed with me.