That holiday, there was a change in me. After Frank had drowned in the tub, and we were “sleeping” in our bed, I realised that I could keep fighting who I was forever, and never be happy again. Maybe I could find a way to live with this, and be contend. Maybe this was who I was, Mandy with an incredible rage, and Frank could handle it. He was so strong, he could bear the ugliness in me. So I could stop fighting myself and just let life do its miracle.

We enjoyed our holiday, I went for a walk by the lake and thought things over, decided I'll learn to live with myself and Frank read a lot of books. The next day, we decided to visit an castle nearby, which was a replica of a european castle. We paid the entrance fee and wandered around through the rooms that radiated the old times. I stared at the lovely bed, with long, thick velvet curtains and thought, that if I had born in Medieval Ages, this problem of mine would not have existed.

“No,” I whispered to myself. “I won't think like that anymore. I am who I am.” If I had been a Medieval princess, I'd be a warrior princess, like Xena. I'd be tough, strong and fierce. Unconsciously I raised my chin and stared at Frank with a wild look in my face. He looked at me with a wondering glance. We slowly walked into another room, with paintings and a shiny table. My fingers gently stroked the surface, enjoying the softness. I saw myself sitting there, asking my subordinates about thieves and rovers, with a loud and stong voice. They'd answer me in a prudent and soft manner. And then I'd get up, saddle my stallion and ride of in the woods. I'd slay every man that would get in my way. I turned around and saw a painting of a proud man, he would've been worthy of being my husband, I thought with a smile.

“Great looking at all these old paintings, hm?” Frank asked. “Imagine, these people are allready dead for centuries.” Frank shattered my dreams, and I just pushed him aside to walk to another part of the castle.

“Don't listen to that pig.” I thought. I strolled through a corridor and imagined allways being surrounded by these large boulders with tapestries on them. The wind blowing through windows without panes. It would've been a tough life! I grinned at my own thoughts, but enjoyed them for the time being, and suddenly wished that Frank wasn't there to destroy all my fantasies. He was such a pain in the ass. I passed a cross section, where an ancient knight was standing watch. His metallic body was firm and shiny and I stared at the large, heavy sword in his hands.